Vademecum del cliente per interagire col cameriere (cioè me).
di DANILO DI NITTO (dal gruppo facebook OCCCA CLUB – ITALIA)
1) Il titolare c’è e mi paga per darti un servizio. Cercare di essere coccolati dal titolare allungherà solo la burocrazia tra l’acqua e l’antipasto.
2) Fidati di me. Se mangi male, non torni.
Se non torni l’azienda non guadagna e io non lavoro.
Perciò il “consiglio” o il “menù del giorno” non sono gli avanzi di ieri.
3) Il crudo di mare è “congelato”.
4) Il menù è studiato per regalarti la migliore esperienza possibile.
Quindi, a meno che tu non sia allergico o Cracco, non fare variazioni.
5) Ce l’ho il tiramisù, ma non te lo do perché mi stai antipatico…
6) Stavo scherzando. Semplicemente non ce l’ho. Fidati di me (punto 2)
7) I bambini sono persone. Me ne accorgo dagli assegni familiari, dal costo dei pannolini: hanno una massa e occupano un volume. Prenotate anche per loro.
8) Sul vino ne capisco più di te.
Evita parole come tanninico, frizzantino, aromatizzato, miononno, quantigradifa, nontroppodolce, celhaiilpecorino, ilprimitivo, forseunpopiùfresco e perlage, perché ti stendo solo con la forza della p.a.i.
O del Montepulciano, se mi stai simpatico.
9) “L’anno scorso ho mangiato…” mi fa piacere.
L’anno scorso non avevo il dente devitalizzato, vivevo in un appartamento ed ero più grasso di dieci chili.
Vivi nel presente, o ti vendo la roba dell’anno scorso (punto due).
10) So usare il pc, so usare lo smartphone, guido da dodici anni e mi vesto con abiti civili. Quindi, se non vuoi che ti tocchi telefono/borsa/sciarpa/chiavidellamacchina, mettile in tasca.
Piccolo corollario di sopravvivenza per clienti:
– non camminare all’indietro, guarda avanti
– non sostare davanti alle uscite
– la chiave del bagno sta vicino al “perfavore”
– i tavoli più belli sono prenotati
– lasciate la mancia, siamo mercenari.
(No, le sigarette sul tavolo non le ho trovate, mi spiace)
Letto più volte, lo rileggo sempre con piacere!
A volte ci si sente così soli in sto mondo di incomprensioni ristorante/cliente che ti vien da pensare: parliamo la stessa lingua? ma tu dove vivi? davvero non lo capisci?
…ma soprattutto: mi prendi per il c..o???
Danilo Di Nitto uno di noi!!!
Un brivido.. Peccato che possono leggerlo solo chi è della categoria.. Io condivido così da diffondere il verbo!
Troppo forte bravissimi
Vorrei aggiungere :
NON CHIEDETE AI CAMERIERI SE
SAPPIAMO PER CASO DOVE STA LA TUALETTE
E quando ti chiedono se abbiamo la toilette?
Io rispondo in automatico : no mi spiace, facciamo dietro alle aiuole.
Semplicemente perfetto!!!!!!!!😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
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